


Sometimes, You Find Home in Heartbeats

by kenainot



Category: TREASURE (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Foster Family, Angst, Discussions of death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Romance, Foster Care, M/M, Slow Updates, i hope you read the tags, slowburn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-04
Updated: 2020-12-04
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:55:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27876449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kenainot/pseuds/kenainot
Summary: Grief, it's like glitter. Oh, what a mess it makes, what a mess it makes.
Relationships: Bang Yedam/Kim Doyoung
Comments: 13
Kudos: 75





	Sometimes, You Find Home in Heartbeats

Yedam can’t remember the last time he felt okay. Foster homes do that to you, he guesses. So when the social worker tells him that he has found a family willing to take a seventeen year old like him, he packs his bags quietly and waits for the car to take him to his new address. He doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t even express any ounce of excitement, but no one comments on it because they’ve been through this before. Yedam is going to live with a family. They’ll tell everyone he’s a nice kid. He stays on top of his class and he cleans up well, but they don’t ask him to stay. 

It’s okay. He’s going to be eighteen next year so he could finally live alone. Maybe find a rundown apartment on the sketchy side of the town, and finish high school if he’s lucky.

“They’re good people. I’m sure they’ll like you.” His assigned social worker says and Yedam just nods. They’re all nice especially to someone like him. He looks at the suitcase he brought, and he just hopes he would have a comfortable place to sleep in. He doesn’t ask for too much. Years of expecting and being let down has done that to him.

Yedam was quite surprised when Mrs. Kim greets him with a warm and tight hug. He doesn’t usually get that. It’s always awkward the first time, but Mrs. Kim asks him if he’s had his dinner and Yedam shakes his head. She holds his hand and leads him to the table. Yedam knows they have a son, but it was only him and Mr and Mrs Kim who shared dinner. Mrs Kim tells him that he has his own room, and he should get settled so that he could meet their other son tomorrow.

“His name is Doyoung. He’s just not feeling well these days.” Mrs Kim says and Yedam says he will do the dishes. Mrs Kim asks to call her mom, but Yedam just smiles and says he can’t do that yet. She smiles at him and he’s surprised for the second time that day because the smile was still warm as she tells him that he could take his time. 

The room he’s in smells like newly washed fabric and the sheets are new, and they surely made an effort to make Yedam feel at home. He has his own bathroom, and the closet was empty saved for the drawers on the bottom. He doesn’t open it because he thinks it wasn’t his place to do so. He has learned to settle on the space that’s given to him. It’s his— Yedam can’t even remember how many foster homes he’s been through the years. He’s become so jaded, and it should hurt for a seventeen year old, but he just feels numb these days. He thinks he’s in a good family, and for that he’s thankful. He doesn’t get his hopes up though. He’s been here, and he knows that they’re going to let him go in about three months.

He takes out his toiletries and his school backpack. He also gets his school uniform out. He looks around the room and knows that someone occupied it for a long time. It wasn’t made for him. 

Yedam sleeps without unpacking his suitcase.

*

Doyoung is strange.

He meets him during breakfast and he smiles at Yedam, tells him there’s pancake and cereals so he just needs to choose what he wants for breakfast. He even asks if he wants to go to school together. Yedam asks if it’s okay for him, and Doyoung smiles when he asks why it wouldn't be okay for him.

“We live together. It’s only normal for us to go to school together too.” Doyoung says and Yedam nods at him.

Perhaps Doyoung is used to having someone from the foster home. He doesn’t ask though.

They walk together because the school is just about fifteen minutes away from the Kim's residence. Doyoung tells him that Yedam is a year above him, and he’s envious that he’s about to finish high school. Yedam tells him it’s not that great. 

He laughs but it doesn’t reach his eyes, just like the smiles he kept on giving Yedam earlier. He wonders if something happened, but he still doesn’t question it. He lets Doyoung tell him that he’s planning to grow a plant instead since his parents don't want a pet inside the house.

“Why?” Yedam asks, out of curiosity. It looks like Kim would do anything for Doyoung. He may not be an expert when it comes to family but Mrs Kim looks at Doyoung like she would risk it all for his son. Yedam wonders if he would ever experience that.

Doyoung smiles but it falters now. His eyes get misty too, but it passes like a flash and he’s giving Yedam a trained smile again.

“Allergies.” He answers but doesn’t offer any other explanation. Yedam doesn’t ask and they continue to walk together.

They talk about school, and he learns that Doyoung doesn’t really like it just like all the other kids Yedam knows. He tells Yedam that he doesn’t know if he wants to go to college but he probably would because he’s expected to.

“How about you? What universities are you aiming for?” He asks Yedam.

“I don’t know. I don’t even know if I could graduate.” He answers honestly.

“Why not?” Doyoung questions. “Mom would surely ask you. She likes to do that.” 

Doyoung is strange.

It’s a conclusion that Yedam has assumed in just a day of knowing the other.

He waves his goodbye to Yedam and they exchange phone numbers with a promise to walk home together after school. Yedam introduces himself to his classmates and tells them that he’s glad to be here. It’s all routine for him. He has done this a few times, and he knows that the friends he’s going to make aren’t exactly the friends he would have for a long time. If the Kims would let him stay, he would probably graduate here. It’s a posh school, and everyone seems genuine and pretentious at the same time. He blends in with his easy smile and intelligence.

Yedam keeps up. That’s what he does best. 

*

Dinner with the Kims is mostly quiet and Yedam kind of likes that. Yedam isn’t much of a talker so it’s comforting that they just all eat with just a few comments here and there, mostly from Mrs Kim. Doyoung stays quiet and it’s up to Yedam to answer her questions.

It should feel weird but it isn’t because Yedam’s used to the question, the concern, whether it’s fake or not.

The night passes like it should, and Yedam doesn’t know what he should feel with the silence yet. He likes it, but it also creates space to think. Yedam doesn’t want to be alone with his thoughts. It’s something that he has acknowledged at seventeen.

“Oh, you’re here.”

Yedam turns around and sees Doyoung in his pajamas. He sits beside Yedam and they both look at the pond, empty and abandoned in front of them. They’re at the back of the house, and Yedam was sitting on the porch. It’s clean but it looked like no one was there most of the time so he’s a little surprised that Doyoung is here, and it’s about one in the morning too.

“Sorry, did you want the place for yourself?” Yedam asks but Doyoung just shakes his head.

“There’s plenty of space for the both of us.” He answers and Yedam watches how Doyoung smiles with that smile again. There’s an ache inside his heart because Yedam knows what it’s like to pretend.

“Thank you.” He says instead.

“This is your house now too. You shouldn’t thank me.” Doyoung states as he gets something from the pocket of his hoodie, offering it to Yedam. “Candy?”

Yedam gets a piece and he looks at it. He doesn’t eat candies so he’s not familiar with it.

“It's caramel taffy. It’s soft and chewy.” He tells Yedam.

It’s strange. Doyoung doesn’t look like he’s pretending anymore. Yedam could see his eyes light up as he talked about the candy. Yedam opens it and gives it a taste.

“Is this your favorite?” He asks, but Doyoung shakes his head.

He looks at the empty pond in front of him.

“No, it’s my brother’s favorite.” He answers Yedam, and for the first time since he met Doyoung, he sees him smile genuinely. It was a sad smile, but it was genuine.

*

Yedam learns who Wooyoung was on his second week with the Kims. He wakes up at seven in the morning because he’s learned that the Kims eat breakfast together during weekends. He gets ready for the day, but there’s a knock on his door just when he’s about to take his shower. He opens it and sees Doyoung almost done getting ready, but he was dressed to go out.

“Mom says if you would like to join us. We’re visiting Wooyoung today.” He doesn’t say anything else, doesn’t even explain who Wooyoung is, but Yedam says he’ll go. He doesn’t have anything big to do today, and he thinks Mrs Kim would really like it if he goes.

He gets ready in fifteen minutes and they travel quietly as Mr Kim drives and Doyoung sits at the edge of the backseat, watching the city buildings turn into trees. Yedam looks at Mrs Kim and she looks more solemn than usual. Yedam has an inkling of where they’re going but he doesn’t ask nor say anything. He waits for Mr Kim to park the car, and they quietly walk to where Wooyoung is laid to rest.

Yedam hasn’t been to a cemetery. He has no reason to, and so he just watches as Mrs Kim cleans the flat headstone, making sure that there aren’t leaves on it. She sits in front of it, and Mr Kim crouches down to give her the flowers. She arranges it carefully, and Yedam looks to his right where Doyoung is standing beside him. He doesn’t show any emotion but Yedam feels like he’s just trying his best not to, and strangely enough, he understands. 

They pray together, and they stay there for about an hour before Mr Kim tells them they need to go so they could catch the reservation they made. Mrs Kim doesn’t want to leave so he asks Yedam and Doyoung to return to the car first. He gives Yedam the keys and tells them they should be there in a few minutes. The two of them walk back to the car but they could hear the sobs coming from Mrs Kim.

Doyoung walks a little faster, and Yedam keeps up.

Both of them stay quiet as they enter the backseat but Yedam, for the first time in a long time, wants to fill the silence. 

“It’s his birthday.” Doyoung whispers. “It’s also his death anniversary.”

Yedam nods and Doyoung’s lips quiver, eyes misty and the tears come after. He doesn’t know why he does it, but Yedam touches Doyoung’s arms, the other finally looking at him for the first time that day.

No words were said, he just pulls him close and Doyoung quietly sobs into his shoulders. Yedam rubs comforting circles on the other’s back, something that he hasn’t done to anyone at all. He’s so used to being alone, and it’s the first time he has experienced giving comfort to someone. It’s always the other way around.

“Sorry.” Doyoung says as he removes himself from the embrace and wipes his tears.

“It’s okay.” Yedam says sincerely because it really is.

Doyoung sighs and smiles at him. They could also see Mr and Mrs Kim coming. They don’t speak much after that. Lunch was a somber affair. Yedam learns that it’s just the second year of Wooyoung’s death. They don’t tell him why he passed away, and Yedam doesn’t ask too. It feels like it’s something that they don’t talk about.

They go home and Yedam’s left alone for the rest of the day. He realizes that he has come to a family that’s still healing, and Doyoung isn’t strange.

He’s just sad.

*

It’s weird waking up on a Monday, and there wasn’t a need to hurry because he’s going to be late for school. It’s the start of winter break and they just celebrated Doyoung’s birthday yesterday. 

They had a few people over the house and Yedam’s introduced as their son, no other explanation was done. They look at him but then don't question more. Doyoung introduces him to his friends in school, and Yedam has already seen them but they haven’t talked at all. It’s a usual celebration, and Doyoung tells him that it’s nice to have other people in the house. Yedam could not help but agree because the random conversations and laughter fill the emptiness surrounding the Kim’s residence. It wasn’t bad. Yedam kind of likes living in this place. They don’t hover and let Yedam do what he wants, which is mostly be in his room, study and play his guitar.

Questions weren’t asked unless it’s necessary too. They asked him if he wanted a macbook and they gave him one a few days after that. Yedam is thankful because they’re genuinely good people. Years and years in the foster system has made him an expert in judging people. Doyoung knocks on his room on random days, listens to him play his guitar and sing a song. He doesn’t say much but Yedam appreciates the company.

He wants to ask about the piano tucked in the attic room too. He saw it when Mr Kim asked him to get a toolbox from there. It looks like it hasn’t been played for awhile, and based on the pictures that he saw around the house, it was owned by Doyoung. It’s collecting dust in the attic now, and he wants to know why, but he doesn’t ask. Yedam doesn’t question because he could see how Doyoung stares at him while he’s playing the guitar, and Yedam wonders if there would ever come a time when he could see Doyoung without the sadness looming over him.

“Do you want to learn how to play it?” He asks him on a Saturday night, and Doyoung is in his room again. He brought cookies this time, and he asked Yedam what he wanted to do for the holiday. Yedam tells him he wanted to spend it as peacefully as he could.

“I don’t know. I just like seeing you play and listen to you sing.” He answers and Yedam smiles and ruffles his hair.

Yedam’s quite afraid. He’s afraid of how he’s slowly getting used to being here. He’s slowly falling into a routine, waking up to Mrs Kim’s cooking, going to school with Doyoung, a meal together during weekends, Doyoung occupying his space, and he doesn’t mind it.

Just like now, Doyoung lies down on the right side of his bed, and Yedam knows that he’s going to fall asleep in a few minutes. He seems to like being here, and Yedam knows it’s because he doesn’t want to be alone. They don’t talk about it but Yedam knows that Doyoung sleeps in his room because he’s not okay.

“When will you unpack your suitcase?” Doyoung suddenly asks, his eyes already closed.

Yedam blinks at the question and he stares at the far-left side of the room where his suitcase is still unpacked.

“Mom asks me about it. She tells me if she’s doing anything wrong. If you don’t like it here with us.” He adds and Yedam feels a lump on his throat. “Can you give me an honest answer?”

Yedam bites his lower lip and takes a deep breath before he answers. “I just, it has become a habit. I don’t unpack my bags because I know I have to pack it up again when I leave.”

Doyoung opens his eyes and their gazes meet. “We’re not going to let you leave. I don’t want you to leave.”

Yedam smiles and puts his guitar away to lie sideways so they’re facing each other.

“I like it here too.” He tells Doyoung as he brushes the strands of his hair, covering his face.

“You make things bearable here.” Doyoung whispers, eyes closing, and Yedam wipes the stray tear on his cheek.

Yedam realizes that he feels the same way. Doyoung makes things bearable for him too.

*

“Let’s take a picture together.” Mrs Kim says as he ushers the boys in front of the Christmas tree, and Mr Kim sets up a tripod to take the picture for them. Yedam doesn’t know what to feel about it. It’s the first time he’s spending the holidays with a family that actually sees him as he is. Mrs Kim calls him son, and Yedam is learning to answer her when he calls him that.

Doyoung stands beside him as Mrs Kim sits on the chair at the front. Mr Kim tells them that it’s going to flash in ten seconds as he jogs and sits beside Mrs Kim. They count and Yedam looks at the lens.

The timer sets to ten and Yedam feels a hand holding his own. He doesn’t move but he lets Doyoung intertwine their fingers together, both of them still looking at the camera in front of them.

“Okay, one more time.” Mr Kim says as he stands to set the timer again. Doyoung doesn’t let go. He doesn’t too, and it should feel strange but it doesn’t.

It feels comforting, like a home they’ve finally found after a very long time.

*

The celebration ends an hour after twelve midnight and Yedam finds himself at the back porch again, staring at the still empty pond. The lights are on so he wonders if there was a time when it was maintained and alive.

Mrs Kim handed him a gift earlier. Yedam expected some shoes or another set of clothes because that’s what they always give him so he was pleasantly surprised when she gives him a heavy box. It was full of things he could use for recording, and Mr Kim tells him they could go to a music store in the coming days to have him pick up a new guitar. Yedam blinks the tears away.

Nobody really notices how he likes creating music. He thanks them and Mrs kim hugs him tight, tells him he’s thankful he’s with them. Yedam cries at her words because it’s the first time anybody has ever said that to him. Because you see, he’s used to receiving pity, comforting words and even empty promises, but her words doesn’t feel that way. It felt like he’s loved genuinely, and Yedam didn’t know where to put his feelings.

Doyoung watches at the sidelines but he smiles at Yedam, and he pulls Doyoung for an embrace. He knows it was him who told his parents about the gifts. And he’s thankful, he’s so thankful for him.

“You’re here.” Yedam hums at the voice and he feels Doyoung sit beside him. He hands him the usual candies and Yedam gets about three pieces.

They stay quiet for a few minutes before Doyoung speaks. “Thank you for the gift.” He says as he shows his wrist where the personalized bracelet made by Yedam is already worn. It wasn’t anything fancy but he asked Doyoung what he wanted as a gift and Doyoung told him that he wants something that Yedam made.

A bracelet seems like a good option. Doyoung gave him a music sheet book earlier, telling him he could create more music now that he has the equipment to record. Yedam still feels overwhelmed but everything is making him smile tonight, including now, and how Doyoung scoots even closer and leans to his side so there’s no space between them.

“Are you cold?” Yedam asks as he takes Doyoung’s hand and clasps it with his own.

“Yeah,” Doyoung answers. “Do you like this place? My mother doesn’t even look at the back porch anymore.” He says after a few heartbeats.

“Can I ask why?” He questions and Doyoung slumps a little more, letting his head fall kn Yedam’s shoulder.

“My brother,” He begins, and then he sighs. “My brother asked her to build a pond because he likes studying the ocean or anything that involves water.”

Yedam hums and waits for Doyoung to speak again. It’s the first time that he has ever mentioned his brother after their visit at the cemetery.

“He’s getting ready to study Marine Biology in the US too. Mom didn’t want him to go overseas but he convinced them.” Doyoung fiddles with his fingers and starts scribbling random patterns at the back of Yedam’s hand. “That’s why we— he wanted to spend time with us, you know before he leaves.”

It feels like the silence lasted for a few minutes before Doyoung starts talking again. They heard a car passing by somewhere, but it’s just really quiet at this side of town.

“We went to the beach, of course. He really planned it well. He even got us an exclusive cottage, and made sure that we tried all the amenities.” Yedam covers Doyoung’s hand with his, and he hums and lets the other continue. “I told him I wanted to try kayaking, but the weather was bad. I whined until he relented. The memories of how it happened is still engraved in my brain. I still feel guilty.”

There weren’t any words after that. Yedam just let the silence fill the gaps and emptiness between their souls. He doesn’t force Doyoung to say anything more. It’s clear that he’s not ready to say it. And Yedam understands, he understands because there are things in Yedam’s life that he can’t fully speak about too. At the end of the day, the two of them are very broken souls trying to thread through life without collapsing into pieces.

“I like it that you’re here.” Doyoung whispers after a while. “You bring so much comfort to us— to me.”

“I like it here too.” Yedam answers quietly. 

They spend the rest of their time talking about their dreams and Yedam finally tells Doyoung that he wants to go to college but he’s just not sure if he has the means to afford one. Doyoung holds his hand tighter and tells him that Yedam has them now.

Yedam learns that Doyoung played the piano but he stopped doing it because he remembers his brother, and he doesn’t know if he would ever pick up the hobby again.

“I want to see you play.” Yedam whispers and they both stare into each other's eyes.

Doyoung gives him a melancholic smile. “Maybe. Someday.” 

And that’s enough for Yedam. The same way that it’s enough for Doyoung to see the suitcase in his room finally unpacked.

*

It starts gradually. Yedam realizes how his own mark is left inside the Kim's residence. It’s his old guitar occupying a space on one the display cabinets located in the living room of the house, and the sweater that he keeps forgetting to get, carelessly hanging on the back porch of the house. It’s the blue mug that he’s been using all the time, and the box of stickers on top of the TV shelf that he doesn’t remember placing there.

Doyoung tells him that he’s finally treating this place as a home and not just a roof to sleep at night. He still doesn’t call Mrs Kim his mom but he calls her Aunie instead, just like how he calls Mr Kim uncle now. She cried when she first heard it on the last day of winter, and Yedam tells her that he just needs time. She nods and hugs him and tells him that he has all the time in the world because they’re going to keep him, whether he likes it or not.

Yedam starts believing again, and it’s nice because Doyoung is with him.

He turns 18 and he gets his license, and Uncle Kim gives him a second hand corolla so they would no longer walk going to school. Doyoung occupies the front seat like it's his, and they drive around town to get that melon ice cream that Doyoung really likes.

“You’re going to leave me here.” Doyoung pouts as he sits on the hood of the car. The two of them in their casual clothes, looking into the city lights. It’s almost ten in the evening but it’s a friday and they’re permitted to be out until midnight as long as they stay together.

Yedam chuckles at Doyoung’s words. “My university is literally an hour and a half drive from here. It’s not like I’m moving to another state.” He says and Doyoung still pouts.

“I still don’t like it. I read the university’s manual for your major. It says that you have elective music and vocal classes on Saturdays which means you won’t be home during weekends.” He whines a little and Yedam actually laughs this time.

“I could still go home during holidays, you know. And during birthdays too. I could always drive home if you need me too.” He says sincerely.

Doyoung looks at him, and Yedam stares back. They fall into a trance for a few seconds before they remember that they’re supposed to enjoy their dessert before it melts.

They try to ignore the stir in their hearts, but they know it’s there.

It’s there for a while now.

“I’ll hold on to that.” Doyoung whispers and the two of them look at the lights flickering in front of them.

Yedam hums and they share a comfortable silence after that. 

They drive back holding each other’s hands and no one says anything about it. No one says anything too when Doyoung knocks on Yedam’s door and tells him he wants to sleep beside him. Yedam takes his hand and they lay there facing each other. No other words were spoken too, as they pull each other close for an embrace, basking on the comfort it brings because they’re still two broken souls, but they’re slowly mending.

They’re just not sure if they’re doing it right.

*

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Leave comments please. 😞


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